The Eddy Series
by Amethyst Jackson
Summary: Edward buys Bella a kitten. Chaos ensues.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Edward and the Kitten

Category: Humor/Fluff

Rating: G

Spoilers: None

Summary: Edward brings Bella a kitten.

Disclaimer: Belongs to Stephenie Meyer, and she should TOTALLY do this.

* * *

I was waiting on Edward. He'd promised to come over today, before Charlie got home from work, and it wasn't like him to be late. I'd arranged for us to have leftovers for dinner just so I could devote this whole chunk of time to my vampire boyfriend, and he'd gone AWOL.

A knock on the door surprised me. Edward didn't bother with the door when I was the only one home – who could it be?

But, no, it was Edward at the door, smiling like he had a secret and practically bouncing with eagerness, as if Alice had stolen his body.

"I have a surprise for you," he said gleefully. I then noticed that his hands were behind his back, and I narrowed my eyes suspiciously.

"A surprise?"

He rolled his eyes at my wary tone. "You'll like this one, I promise. Just close your eyes for a moment, please?"

I sighed and did what I was told. I heard a strange squeaking sound and almost peeked, but I knew Edward would catch me. Finally, he seemed satisfied. "All right. Open them."

I did, and was met with the _last_ thing I had expected to see.

Knowing Edward, I would have found a Porsche parked in front of my house, or found some extravagant piece of jewelry in his hands – but it wasn't either of those things. It was…it was…

…A _kitten_.

A kitten, as in, a tiny, four-legged, fluffy, orange, large-eyed purring creature, looking up at me with the most adorable face in the known universe. It sat perfectly straight in Edward's hands, regarding me curiously.

I groaned.

"Edward!" I sighed, "Do you not realize what you've just condemned this animal to by bringing it to _me_? Were you not paying attention at all when I told you about my goldfish cemetery?"

He chuckled. "Relax, Bella. It can stay with us if you're that worried."

I sighed, seeing the hopefulness in his eyes, eyes that were almost exactly the same golden tone as the kitten's. "Are you sure it won't get eaten at your house?"

He stretched out his arms to pass the kitten to me. "No one would bother. He wouldn't even pass for a snack."

Reluctantly, I took the kitten into my arms. It seemed glad to be back in warm hands and cuddled contentedly into my chest. I knew then that I had lost.

"Damnit," I grumbled. "It's adorable."

Edward chuckled. "Will you keep him, then?"

The kitten purred happily at me, nuzzling my chin. "I don't really have a choice, I don't think. But I don't have anything I need to take care of him…"

He rolled his eyes. "I wouldn't buy you a kitten and not help you take care of it. He's had all his shots and I have everything you'll need out in the car."

I shook my head and walked into the living room, cat still in hand, and sat on the couch. Edward followed, still beaming with his triumph.

"What on earth possessed you to give me a kitten, anyway?" I asked.

Edward sat next to me and watched the kitten begin to crawl up my shoulder with absolute satisfaction. "Well, you seem intent on becoming a vampire, and you've never really had a pet, so I thought that was one human experience we should get in."

The kitten had now made his way across my shoulders, down into my lap, and was now batting tentatively at Edward's knee. He smiled fondly at the cat and carefully stroked his furry head.

"So…you've resigned yourself to my becoming a vampire, then?" I asked, never missing a chance to press him for what I wanted.

He sighed. "I know _I_ can't change your mind. So…I suppose I have."

His mouth was twisted downward in a frown, but I grinned triumphantly. He shot me a glance of pure exasperation and returned his attention to the happy little furball between us.

"He still needs a name, you know," Edward said. "I thought you'd prefer to choose."

I lifted the kitten and turned it back to me, considering his furry face as he regarded me with impatience and confusion – a look I knew very well, and that's when the name came to me.

"I think I'll call him Eddy."

"_Eddy_?" Edward said incredulously. "_Why_?_"_

"Well, it would be confusing if I called him Edward, wouldn't it?" I said innocently.

His response was a growl that sent Eddy scampering back into my lap.


	2. Chapter 2

**Title:** Cats and Dogs  
**Category:** Humor/Fluff  
**Rating:** G  
**Spoilers:** Eclipse spoilers, but this is _sort of_ alternate Eclipse where none of that stuff between Bella and Jacob happens. Even though I don't make that clear at all in the fic.  
**Summary:** Edward gives Bella a kitten, and it doesn't like Jacob very much.  
**Disclaimer:** It all belongs to Stephenie Meyer, but I think she'd rather enjoy this one.

* * *

I was having a lovely day with my vampire boyfriend and werewolf best friend – the two of which were _finally_ getting along, thanks to Jacob imprinting on Leah Clearwater (who was also a werewolf, strangely enough) and thus effectively getting over _me_. Edward didn't have much of a problem with Jacob once he had no reason to be jealous, although Jacob still retained his natural aversion to Edward.

However, they were trying, and so I was out in the wilderness with the two of them, and one other creature: my new kitten, Edward's idea of a good birthday present. I'd been amazed at his stupidity in putting me in charge of any living creature when I couldn't keep _myself_ alive, but he swore that Alice had not seen the kitten dying in the near future.

And how _could_ I resist the adorable orange ball of fluff, especially when it was purring up at me from Edward's hands? And I knew, no matter what Edward said, that he wanted the kitten as much as I did – he doted on the kitten more than he did on _me_.

Currently, Edward was moving his sparkling fingers, throwing spots of light in every-which direction, which the kitten (called Eddy, to annoy my vampire boyfriend) chased eagerly. Jacob sat a safe few feet away, glaring askance at the kitten.

"What's the matter, Jake?" I asked, tearing my eyes away from Edward and Eddy's antics.

"It's so…so…"

"Feline?" I supplied helpfully, as he shifted his glare from the kitten to me.

"Yes," he said sullenly. "Why'd you get a cat, anyway? A puppy would have been much better."

"I don't like dogs," Edward said flatly, dropping his hand as Eddy tired of their game. I scooped him up and held him out to Jake, feeling his whole little body vibrate as he purred.

"Give him a chance," I said, planting him in Jacob's lap. "He's very friendly."

Jacob held out his hand for the cat to sniff, which was perhaps his first mistake. Once Eddy registered his scent, he took an immediate distaste to Jacob, evidently – with a hiss and his fur sticking straight out, he dug the full force of his claws into Jacob's hand.

"Owww!" Jacob shrieked, and shook the cat off, sending it flying. It landed gracefully, but continued to hiss at Jake. Before I could react – and while Edward was chuckling unhelpfully – Jacob transformed and chased after the kitten.

I shrieked in alarm, watching the little orange ball streak through the field. I knew Jacob could catch my kitten easily, and I was worried for his safety – but Jake evidently didn't mean him any harm. He did, however, chase the poor creature to the edge of the forest, where Eddy scrambled up a tree and perched on a high branch, still hissing down at my canine friend.

I groaned. "JACOB! There's no way I can get him down from there – _why_ did you have to do that? And now you can't change back, because you didn't bring extra pants!"

Jacob's response was something like a bark, but his tail wagged suspiciously. I narrowed my eyes and prepared to verbally assault him a bit more, but a cold hand on my shoulder stopped me.

"I'll get him," Edward said. He offered me a grin and darted over the tree. He climbed it as easily – _easier_ – than his namesake had, and reached out a hand to the frazzled creature.

Eddy gave a plaintive meow, and I could have sworn he shot a glance toward Jacob. I could just hear Edward's soft chuckle.

"Don't worry," he said, loud enough for Jacob and me to hear, "I won't let the dog come near you."

Eddy reluctantly walked back down the branch to Edward's waiting hand. He picked up the kitten with the same excruciating gentleness he treated me with, and I felt my heart melting. He was too sweet – definitely too sweet for a vampire.

I heard a little growl beside me, and glanced down at Jacob. Somehow his canine features managed to look pouty. I rolled my eyes.

"Eddy's here to stay, Jacob," I said, and I realized, as he must have, the double meaning those words could take. "I know you don't like it, but…I really am more of a cat person, in the end."

Jacob's response was a little huff as Edward returned with the traumatized kitten. Eddy tensed up and tried – and failed – to dig his claws into Edward's hands. The kitten seemed a little put out to be foiled by vampire skin.

"There, now, Eddy," I cooed, taking the kitten from Edward's outstretched hands. "The dog will be nice if you will."

Eddy meowed dubiously.

* * *


	3. Chapter 3

Final installment in the series: The Feline Mind

* * *

_This time I'll get him. He won't even see me coming!_

I smirked to myself at my namesake's naïve thoughts. Behind where I sat on Bella's living room couch, I heard the faintest of growls, inaudible to human ears, as the creature prepared to pounce.

In an instant, I had him in my hands, with his claws splayed to strike me. The orange, blue-eyed kitten snarled at me in frustration.

_How does he _do_ that?_

"I'm not as easy to sneak up on as your mistress," I chuckled, setting the furball down on my stomach. He tried to scratch me, to no avail, and eventually gave up and lay down to sulk.

I heard Bella approach and looked up in time to see her face melt into a strange, dreamy expression. I quirked an eyebrow at her, and she blushed.

"I see you two are bonding," she said, inclining her head toward the bundle of cat on me. Eddy looked up at her from where his head rested on his paws.

"Not exactly. He was trying to attack me again."

"Eddy!" Bella admonished, kneeling on the floor to bring herself face to face with the kitten. "Why would you want to attack your daddy? Hmm?"

_Daddy_? Eddy mentally mocked as he pointedly glared at her. I laughed again.

"He does it because he likes the challenge. You and Charlie are easy targets with your slow human reflexes."

Bella smiled and began scratching Eddy in his favorite places; he purred contentedly. "Maybe he just likes me better."

"Well, he does," I agreed, "but that's not why he attacks me."

Bella frowned up at me. "And how do you know?"

"I can hear his thoughts."

Bella left off petting Eddy, who looked back at me with alarm. _You can WHAT?_ Eddy thought, as Bella spoke precisely the same words. I laughed.

"Cats are very intelligent creatures," I explained. "They understand human language, and are capable of using it in their minds – they simply lack the physical tools to communicate verbally."

Bella gaped at me. "So he can understand what we're saying?"

_Of course I can, moron_. I suppressed a snicker. "Yes, he can."

She sat back on her heels and smirked at me. "What does he make of _you_, then?"

I resumed Bella's job of petting the kitten, sending him back into a purring haze and making him infinitely more charitable toward me than he'd been a moment ago. "Well, cats are a lot like children – they recognize words, but they lack the capacity to understand a lot of concepts. Eddy knows I'm different from the other humans, but he doesn't understand why or how."

Bella grinned. "Jacob must have really freaked him out, then."

I snorted. "The dog-human? Yeah, Eddy doesn't trust him, at all. He thinks you should stay away from him. Partly for your protection, and partly because of the smell."

"My, doesn't that sound familiar," Bella said dryly. "So what does he think of me?"

I smiled to myself, able to read the genuine affection in Eddy's mind that he had for his owner. "On the whole, you're his favorite. He thinks your human tendencies are ridiculous, of course, but you feed him well and pet him, and you're warm, and you let him sleep in your bed. He's quite happy with you."

Bella snorted uncharacteristically. "That, too, sounds awfully familiar."

I laughed heartily and pulled Bella up to lay beside me on the couch, momentarily dislodging and disgruntling the previously good-humored cat.

"You are nice and warm," I agreed, nuzzling her neck, "and I _do_ like being allowed to sleep in your bed. But I should hope I'm capable of higher reasoning than the cat."

Bella laughed, and I couldn't resist kissing her. Eddy jumped up to the back of the couch to escape injury from our antics.

_Stupid humans_, he grumbled, and I was too preoccupied to laugh at the irony.


End file.
